What does it mean to be feminine?

"Because, you see, when a geisha wakes up in the morning she is just like any other woman. Her face may be greasy from sleep, and her breath unpleasant. It may be true that she wears a startling hairstyle even as she struggles to open her eyes; but in every other respect she's a woman like any other, and not a geisha at all. Only when she sits before her mirror to apply her makeup with care does she become a geisha. And I don't mean that this is when she begins to look like one. This is when she begins to think like one too."

From "Memoirs of a Geisha" by Arthur Golden

Three years ago, I tried to answer this question, and I did a poor job of it. It was one of the few articles I've written for this website, maybe the only article, that people wrote to me about saying they disagreed with me. And I usually found myself taking their side!

I was angry when I originally wrote that article, and looking back at it, it showed. I won't go into the details, but at the time I felt that some people I knew weren't taking themselves seriously enough. They talked about wanting to be women, but they didn't seem to like women very much.

At any rate, I moved on and I found a better way and a better place to spend my time. For one, I was going out in public as Yvonne a lot, frequently on my own, and people in my community were beginning to recognize me - as Yvonne. I established relationships with people who have only met me as Yvonne.

I discovered that I often had to remind myself that to many of the people around me, I was a woman, as far as they knew. Either they mistook me for one or were prepared to treat me as one nonetheless. And I found that I enjoyed trying to live up to their expectations. I enjoyed greatly my new role and the challenges of that role.

One mistake I made when I wrote that original article was to try to answer the question "what does it mean to be feminine" the way I thought women might answer it. I should have stuck to what I know best and answer the question the way a crossdresser would answer it. Perhaps in time I would acquire the wisdom to answer from another perspective.

What compelled me to rethink my point of view was an evening out as Yvonne last June. I had this very short skirt I had bought at Macy’s that I really wanted to wear out. Other than being very short, not quite 15 inches from waist band to hem line, the skirt was not at all trashy looking. It’s made of a light-weight nylon acetate fabric, it’s black with small white polka-dots.

To make it look more acceptable, I wore a white scoop neck t-shirt, a white blazer, white pantyhose and heels. Here is the result.

My partner and I went to dinner at a somewhat upscale restaurant, one that I had been to as Yvonne many times before. Several of the waitresses there knew us by name. After dinner, we sat in the bar and had some wine. It was a typical evening out for me as Yvonne, except for the outfit. I usually wear what would be considered short skirts, but never anything quite like this. Almost all of my skirts are above the knee and tailored to fit snuggly. I also always wear heels that are at least 3 inches. I follow the same fashion advice most women would, which is to dress in such a way as to accent my best features.

I found I was very nervous about people seeing me. Not because I was crossdressed. I’m mostly over that. But because of the length of the skirt. I didn’t think I looked "slutty" or "trashy" at all. I genuinely felt that I looked nice. I felt very attractive. And I felt a little sexy.

That night in June, it was a feeling of being risqué that I was experiencing. I felt like a woman flaunting her new-found feminine sexuality. Not because I wanted to attract someone, but because I wanted to feel attractive. Not because I wanted to have sex, but because I wanted to feel sexy.

Do women feel this way sometimes? I don’t know. I guess it depends on the woman. Which is how I should have answered this question three years ago.

But I do know that for me, dressing as a woman is a critical step in pushing me towards my own feminine space. Once I am in that space, I try to push further the boundaries of that space. I try to feel more and more like I belong in that space.

No, it’s not just about the clothes, but clothing and makeup are the catalyst. I was wrong when I wrote:

"I don't think that dresses and skirts, high heels, bras, corsets, panty hose or any other article of women's clothing has some magical, shamanistic power to convey, endow or otherwise bestow the wearer with "femininity"."

This may or may not be true for some women, and it may or may not be true for other crossdressers, but it is very much true for me.

Do you have a story you'd like to share about your experiences with crossdressing? Please send to cci@fws.net and we will consider adding your story to our site.